"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
