Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
