Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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