You're completely useless in the revolution.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
high people should be assigned attendants
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
