Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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