The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
