ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
