For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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