this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
