There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
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