Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
