Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
