you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
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