if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
