Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize