He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
