Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
