I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
