Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
