I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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