i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
