I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
