you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
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