I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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