So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
