Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
our cab driver is having phone sex.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
