I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
