She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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