I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I need to sanitize my soul.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Randomize
