RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
