If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
