why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
