there's paper in my vomit.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
