dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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