I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
