I wannas sexs uuuuu
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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