my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
