i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
