In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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