I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
