i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
