Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize