susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
