You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
