Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
