sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
