Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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