If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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