i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
