I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
