Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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