Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
