you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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