You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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