she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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