My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
