Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Of course I have a pirate flag
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
