I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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