3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
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