if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
