I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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