I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
