so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
porn star boner night. come get it.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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