Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
