wanna go halves on a baby?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
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