ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
