he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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