I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
