Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
