I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
