1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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