I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
