I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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