is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
