The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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